Mindless Clicking in the Incredible Adventures of Van Helsing

Greetings. Today's article isn't meant to show my gameplay like other Now Playing articles. Instead, it's intended to show how mindless clicking is a fundamental part of the Incredible Adventure of Van Helsing. Well, that was the main intention, initially. Then something funny (and frustrating) happened and it truly did the title of the article justice. Pardon me if my words confused you, it's 4am and I'm still feeling really heavy on the head. Just read on.

Hey, do you guys know where Breda is?

So, at the moment, I'm on my way to find someone (or something) named Breda. This quest would take around 5 minutes if camping enemies are taken out of the proportion. But what would've lasted for a mere five minutes, will now last for about 15 minutes or so because I have to deal with endless swarms of monsters stationed in every corner.

There's no tactic. Just mindless clicking everywhere. Basically my job is to hover my crosshair to every cluster of pixels that moves and tap the left-mouse button repeatedly when it goes into my aim til it no longer moves. It becomes pretty redundant! I don't even know what makes me stay. The loot that the game keeps throwing at me? Maybe.

Since my mission is to "find somebody", the exact location of that person is not shown on the minimap. Otherwise it would be "meet somebody". So I have no choice but to go all over the map looking for this person (or thing). At least, I only have to check out territories that are still covered by fog-of-war and ignore all the revealed ones which I have cleared out earlier (with thousands of mindless clicking, of course). I have never thought that fog-of-war is actually a useful part of a game, until now. In fact, I used to find them frustrating.

And so here I am, charging like mad into every unrevealed area, hoping that this Breda would pop out and end my misery, only to find swarms of enemies dutifully waiting for me there. Click click click. Done. Move on. Click click click. Done. Move on.

Great. Now I have to switch to melee because there's just too many of these werewolves. At least I don't have to hover-n-tap the crosshair everywhere but just the area surrounding my character, because that's where the werewolves are, obviously.

Crap, more werewolves here. Also, I got too close to the upper area and despite being on the lower level, have stepped into the "sense radius" of the werewolves stationed up there. My unintentional action has triggered their artificial sense of hostility and now they are on their way down.

And just when you thought it won't get any worse, a group of gentlemonsters (monsters dressed like a gentleman) and a couple of ewesontflms (elephant-without-ears-standing-on-two-feet-looking monsters) are joining the party as well.

I'm here for Breda.

Well, I didn't actually find Breda. Just his/her minion who did what every fictional villain loves so much: explaining everything behind their evil schemes. The minion tells me that everything is just a decoy. At that very moment, their boss Breda and his/her most powerful sidekicks are on the way to assault the good guys' secret lair.

Once he was done talking, I drew my gun and planted a bullet straight into his peanut-sized brain for being so stupid. Well, I didn't actually shoot the minion myself, it was actually a part of the cutscene but I would have done the same thing anyway. Besides, I was kind of upset I didn't actually find this Breda and felt like really taking out my anger on him.

Say not in grief, "He is no more", but live in thankfulness that he was.

Great, now his gang of elite monsters are attacking me. Apparently, the minion I killed just now wasn't a part of the elite group, since he died just by one shot. But maybe the elite guys hung out with him because his stupidity amused them. Completely understandable, everyone has that kind of friend. The elite monsters were a lot harder to kill though. Actually, it wasn't hard, it just took more time and more mindless left-mouse-button tapping.

Later on, I went back to the lair and arrived just in time to prepare for the incoming attack. If you're wondering, the reason I managed to arrive earlier than Breda and their army is because I used one of the many teleporters constructed almost everywhere in the game. Though I'm not sure as to why Breda and the gang didn't use the teleporters. Maybe they just want some challenge.

If you've been following me up to this point and still don't understand what is going on and what the game is all about, I'll happily explain everything to you briefly: you see, you're the son of the famous Van Helsing, and your father sends you on an adventure to the country of Borgova (which they pronounce as Borgovia). Eventually, you land yourself into a conflict between the good vampires (who hide in a secret underground lair) and some evil forces. That's about it.

Finally, some strategic clicking! This is my favorite mechanic of the game. I can build traps and strategic defenses around the lair, but I get to see how they work in only one occasion. I have constructed my traps well. Only one monster managed to push through. I could have killed him but I didn't because I just wanted to know what happens when they enter the lair. For now, it's just one monster, so nothing happened.

So, while I was playing the game up to this point, I'd been thinking about writing about how this game encourages endless clicking and how suck that is, but then something else happened which change the purpose of the article. Here's what happened:

Oh giant rats, who invited you?

I was done with all the pawns (including giant rats, of course), and now the big guys came for the show. The traps, even the deadliest ones, couldn't kill these monsters straight away, since they're elite and all. So I had to take part. But it sucked that the monsters were going after me instead the lair. Whenever they managed to push through all of my defences, I'd distract them and they would follow me back instead of carrying on to the lair.

Marco? Polo?

Now, this is when things started to get nasty. Somehow, the elite monsters; the werewolves; vanished, but according to the minimap, they were still there. I knew instantly that this was a glitch. But at first, I thought the glitch caused the monsters to be invisible, but physically still in-game. So I rushed in and launched some nasty AOE (area of effect) attacks, hoping to hit any of those werewolves by chance eventhough I couldn't see them.

But nothing happened. Much earlier in the game, I'd had encountered such glitch which caused the monsters to be invinsible but still physically in-game. This means whenever I hover the crosshair around and then it detected a target, I can shoot that target and kill it.

Wait, wait! Don't give up now!

But here it's different. I almost quit but then realized that this game doesn't use save slots. In other words, if I exited now, the game would save my progress, and by the time I got back, I'd be back here. Well... shit.

I almost gave up on this game when suddenly, one of the werewolves emerged out of the surface of the bridge for a very brief moment before diving in again! Right then, I knew what the real problem was. You see, they were not invinsible or missing. They  were still there, but somehow, they ---I don't really know how to put this--- sank into the bridge.

Isn't it obvious?

Whenever they popped out of the surface of the bridge, the traps would react. So my first plan was to stand around the traps, so that the traps would do some damage to the werewolves whenever they pop out until they were out of health points. But then I realized that the traps didn't do them any damage. They were just reacting but not hurting the werewolves. What a glitch!

I tried AOE attack, but it was impossible to time the attack. Then I had an idea. I'd just click everywhere. If I got lucky, my click would connect and hit those monsters by chance. Sure, this might take a while but it was too late to quit now.

Gotcha!

There! You see! My shot connected and did some damage! Awesome! Later on, about 15 minutes or so, I managed to kill one of the werewolves. 3 more to go. I don't know how long I spent finishing the entire thing, maybe 15 minutes or half an hour, but it felt like forever.

But thanks to perserverance, determination and sheer luck, the Quest Completed notification finally popped out. I never felt that glorious! And I quit that instant. So, what did I make out of this? Well, I had to clear my head first before I sat down and think.

Later on, after recovery...

So, my best guess is this: you see, one of the traps functions like a springboard. Whenever a monster stepped on it, the trapdoors spring open, sending the monsters flying and falling down into the pit below. Usually, this would kill the normal monsters. But not the elite ones. Somehow, the springboards managed to throw off the werewolves but not kill them. But the monsters couldn't find their way up back to the surface. So they're trapped below. Unless I kill them, the mission is still on! If I gave up much earlier and hadn't thought of the idea, I think I'd never finished the mission.

At first, this game was really, really fun to play. I even forgave a few heavy glitches. But this, this was too much for me. I guess for now, I'm going to stay far far away from The Incredible Adventures of Van Helsing. When I feel like it, I'll get back to it, for sure. So, there you go my friends: one of my worst gaming experiences ever. This article truly did this site justice.